‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
Laura Story’s song, Blessings, has been one of my favorite songs for many years. I always listen to it when I want to calm the waves of doubts and fear in my mind. And it’s been weeks since I last listened to this song.
Tonight, I listened to it again, and a thought came to my mind.
I’ve been feeling bad because of what’s happening in the world right now. Pandemic, famine, injustice, pollution, inequality, murder, racism. The negativity starts to build up that my mental health is starting to be affected.
I’ve experienced a lot of hardships and challenges these months. I lost my job, my grandfather, and the happiness I felt with my friends and family. It feels like this pandemic snatched away all the good things in my life. Instead of being a help to my family, I lost my job. Now, I feel useless, and I feel I am just a burden. Even I try my best to be as happy as I can, the pain I feel from the challenges still brings me down to my knees.
After listening to this song, I remembered the good things that happened to me lately. I realized things are not that bad. Because of this situation, I had the whole day to catch up with my family, to build a stronger relationship. I was able to take the online classes I always set aside because of my work. I got to read and study the Bible every day. I improved my English skills. I was able to improve my Japanese, too.
I miss teaching, and I always prayed that God would use the skills and wisdom He gave to me to help people. And He did. He sent me people from all over the world. I was very nervous at first because I wasn’t used to communicating with strangers, and foreigners. However, I found happiness in it! They are like my therapy. It’s because of them that I don’t feel isolated and lonely.
Being separated and having no contacts from my friends have a big impact on me. I don’t like having a big circle of friends. That is why I am very attached to my best friends. I am very sensitive, and not receiving any messages from them gives me anxiety. And it doesn’t get any better. I am starting to be emotionally unstable. I know we all have our responsibilities, and I understand them. But my anxiety always takes over my reasoning. I start thinking about whether they still want to be friends with me or not. And it makes me feel lost and weary. I start to question my eligibility as a friend, my worth as a person.
Then came this guy, he helps me with my Japanese. We talk every Wednesday, and I am so thankful for it. Our talking session heals my loneliness. Our speaking class helps me forget the anxiety that is slowly controlling me. Just thinking about it makes me more grateful to God. He never leaves me. God is always there to keep our poles from falling so that we can stand firm.
This situation is not that bad. It is actually a blessing in disguise. We just have to look at the brighter side. I think after all these things when the world is better, I am grateful to say I am better and smarter. It is alright to be sad sometimes, as long as we don’t give up.
𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝒩𝒶𝑜𝓂𝒾
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